Thursday, June 11, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around!

Chad a.k.a Captain Dumbass: The Male

LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!

Ok, are you listening to me now? Are you? I don't ca- *inner ABS kicks in* It doesn't matter what your brother said... This week on HBSB, parenting styles and discipline. Oh ya. You just rolled your eyes. I know, it's a headache for all of us. We all come into it with different ideas of how to handle it, and it's never the same as our partners.

In my house, we fall into the stereotypical roles of good cop/bad cop. I've got the vocal range, the heavy step and the glare of doom. I'm the Dirty Harry of Bad Cops. Old and grizzled. Full of righteous thunder and damnation.



My wife? Good cop. Pushes me out of the interrogation room after I've swept the incriminating photos and stale coffee cups off the desk and kicked my chair over. "Look, I don't know how long I can control my partner, if you just come clean maybe we can make a deal..." Her patience amazes me, and also settles me down once I've blown my top. She gets down to their level and figures out what's going on which usually gives me time to catch a breath and realize I'm being an idiot. But you know what? If the good cop/bad cop routine didn't work it wouldn't still be around, would it?

And the secret to a good GCBC routine is changing it up every once in awhile so it doesn't go stale and your ___ year old is reciting your lines back to you before you get to them. Every once in awhile I'm the good cop. I'm the one trying to reason with everybody and using my inside voice. When my wife goes off, the kids they know they are in it deep. The woman is like a Dementor, she even scares the shit out of me. Any incident that involves Dad intervening is a lesson learned or at least not soon forgotten. And you cannot imagine how long I just spent trying to find a decent image of a Dementor. Why aren't there more images of them? Then I was fishing around trying to think of a 'good' cop for an image but got stuck on Danny Glover and sure my wife isn't a large African-American man but you try finding a tv/film cop duo starring a female South East Asian, and again, where the hell are all the images of Sgt. Roger Murtaugh?

So now it's only a few minutes until our publishing time and I'm spiralling out of control so you should probably just skip on ahead to Petra's piece since she can actually write and string two thoughts together and I don't even know how to close this off. Seriously. Go. I'm putting a bullet in this one.





Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female

So, this week for He Blogs, She Blogs, we are discussing parenting styles, discipline and giving into your kids.

You know the deal--good guy/bad guy, the softie versus the dictator, the one that turns into a puddle of mush when the little one gives the puppy dog eyes, as opposed to the one that has nerves of steel when it comes to the kids. There is no shortage of marital discord when it comes to raising children; I don't know many couples who completely agree with how to parent their children. Once again, Mars and Venus strikes again--men and women just look at things so differently.

For instance, my husband thinks that louder is better. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments of losing my cool and having a little tantrum when my kids are acting like the devil's spawn. But he goes from 0 to 60 in .2 seconds and it never serves to do anything but create more chaos in whatever situation he is trying to diffuse. It also took me a long time to get him out of the mind set that "touchy feely" parenting isn't all that bad, and it is actually good to sit down with children and talk to them when they are upset or acting out.

But perhaps, maybe, just maybe I am sometimes a little too emotional. Like when I let the kids drive me to tears, thus losing all control of the situation. And maybe sometimes I let things go that I shouldn't, wanting to pick my battles, you know? But seriously, a mom gets tired of saying the SAME DAMN THINGS all day long to her children, so sometimes it comes time to turn the other cheek. (No, not the "kiss my ass" cheek, the other one.)

Now, when my daughter came into this world, there came a whole new issue. All of a sudden, when hubby looked into her big, blue eyes and her halo of golden blonde hair, he couldn't say no. A Daddy's Girl had been born and he became the one of us to ALWAYS give in to what she wanted, especially since she was such a sweet infant and toddler up to the age of 3. Mommy became the big bad villain, so you can imagine the fanfare when Daddy came home from work in those days. Now that she is going through the torrid, TERRIBLE, no good, very bad 3's, it's a little easier for him to say no to her, I think.

But me, my nerves are so shot by the end of the day that when she asks 5,245 times for a cookie in the same high pitched, whiny voice while following me around with seemingly no plans of stopping, I have been known in a moment of weakness to give in and give her the damn cookie. Cause, really, my sanity is worth it to me. But you see, when I have my housekeeper, personal assistant and part-time mother's helper, this will never happen and I will be a rock. Riiiggghhtt...

All in all, I think we have gotten fairly good at working together and being on the same page, but I remember the days when my stepson acting up and the two of us wanting to handle it totally different ways turned into a huge blowout between the two of us, in the end neither one of us even remember what he had done to spark it in the first place. The good thing about these moments now is that the two of us have been sufficiently beaten into submission by our children so our number one priority is always to nip the bad behavior in the bud and we know we have to gang up on them to accomplish that. There's two of us, and two of them, so we are almost on a level playing field.

If we have another kid, we are in serious trouble.

41 comments:

  1. I kinda want to have kids JUST so I can spank them lol

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  2. Crap. I am sure you didn't intend this post to make me cry.

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  3. "the glare of doom" huh? Maybe you should provide photographic evidence of that.

    Petra I can relate, my Bubba is a Daddy's girl through and through, it's hard for dads when they look up at you with big bambi eyes.

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  4. I'll let things go until the kids just piss me off too much, then I take their shit. Well, not their shit. Their toys, I take their toys. They hate that.

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  5. Just remembering an incident. Maybe I'll post about it.

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  6. My cousin came up with a brilliant scheme for the cookie debate. When her toddler asked for a cookie, she would set a timer for 1 hour. If the kid could last one hour without asking again, she would get the cookie. If she failed, she wouldn't get the cookie and would get something like an apple. Then, if she won the cookie, she got a sticker which reminded her she only gets one cookie a day and my cousin would just point to the sticker and tell her. She says it ended the stand offs pretty immediately.
    I haven't needed to yet, but I have her scheme in my arsenal!

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  7. It's posts like these that make me thankful I don't have children... and that I can borrow the ones I know and give them back when I'm done.

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  8. There are so many things I know now that I didn't know then. I would do so much differently.

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  9. Spot on floks!!! This hit every house...Bu I will say that here...we agree on the rules, but I end up being the enforcer...the Jack Bauer of the house (and , yes...that beats Dirty Harry)
    Mariah gets a bit soft if the kids act cute.

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  10. The roles are reversed in our house. Except that my wife isn't terribly shrewd, so she can't spot lying as well as I can, and I can't tolerate it at all.

    But there's just one thing I want to know -- what the heck are you doing up at 3:00am? :)

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  11. Captain - I bet YOU were the one that made her cry. Cause you're a guy.

    Square Peg - Well, the Captain is in British Columbia, so it was actually midnight when he was finishing up his post. And I think he was up that late because he got sidetracked looking up stuff on Dirty Harry and Danny Glover, lol.

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  12. Great post!

    Gotta tell you my story. I've got two step-children girl who lived with us and boy who lived with his dad and visited us. Girl could put me into orbit is a second; myw wife was always the good cop. Boy (teenaged by now) was visiting one time and we took him and a friend to stay overnight in a hotel at the beach. About mid-night wife and I were trying to sleep and the boys were still out on the balcony. Then there was a bunch of giggling and some noises and stuff. My wife was totally confused but I knew - only girls could affect boys like that! I got up out of bed and putting my best imitation of my old high school coach said "Ok guys, enough is enough." That was it; all boys of a certain age know to respect the coach! So off to bed we all went and to sleep.

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  13. Petra. Sounds like you're the bad cop. All you blog about is losing your patience with the children. And then you only have bad things to say about Captain Dumbass. What kind of lover and parent are you?

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  14. I don't so much sit down and write a post as sit down, write something, check out some blogs, get distracted by a link to something cool, write some more, look for something to eat, search for pictures or info I dont' end up using, etc. It probably shows in my writing.

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  15. I am the total bad cop in our house. My husband's father wasn't around much for his youth so my hubby feels like he has to be the "fun" Dad. Which is fine most of the time - but there are times I think he needs to be more of a disciplinarian. I grew up in a household where my Dad never yelled - he didn't have to - a lecture from him would leave you a weeping puddle of remorse. That's the kind of power I want!

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  16. Good Cop/Bad Cop goes out the window once you are divorced. If you are Bad Cop, the other parent hears how abusive you are with the kids and you get "supervised access".

    If you are Good Cop, the other parent says you are too lenient, and if it weren't for them, the kids would never go to school and their heads would be full of cavities.

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  17. I can totally go bad cop in an instant, so I am trying the whole count to ten, pick your battles business, but seriously, Petra, I'm with you. Some days it feels like every day is groundhog's day and I am having the same "don't touch him, I said no, get away, what the heck is going on, not right now, I SAID DON'T TOUCH HIM!!" conversations over and over again!

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  18. I'm so the one with nerves of steele and a solid resolve. I have two daddy's girls. SO annoying sometimes!

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  19. Good cop bad cop, I can totally see that happening here.
    Petra? you are so right about the Cookies of Sanity!

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  20. Dumbass: Hollywood doesn't seem to have broad enough roles for Asian womenfolk. In their world, they are either young sirens or elderly laundry matrons. I think you may have tapped into something here. Maybe Lucy Lu could replace Mel in Lethal Weapon 8 (is that the number they're up to now?) However, you'd have to figure out a decent story line for Danny Glover. I mean, how many times can a man retire and sit on a toilet bomb and still hold on to his dignity?

    Petra: Good Cop/Bad Cop always works always. Jeremy and I switch it up often at our place just to keep the kids guessing. It doesn't seem to be working though. My kids seem to be winning.......

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  21. The glare of death!! Love it!

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  22. Lucy Liu! How could I forget her? Hubba hubba. What movie was that from?

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  23. My wife and I take turns being both good cop and bad cop. Keeps the kids on their toes.

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  24. This is why we stopped at two kids. If they outnumber you, you're screwed.

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  25. Blake, obviously you don't read my blog and read about how much I love and adore my children and my husband, and you apparently have no sense of humor either, because my comment to Captain Dumbass was completely in jest.

    I am being honest with my readers about losing my patience with the kids, because ALL PARENTS DO, no matter how much they love them.

    Ever heard if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all? I am an AWESOME lover and parent, and you have NO right to judge me. What kind of person are you, going around leaving your first comment on someone's blog and making it nasty and accusatory?

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  26. Blake, reading comprehension FAIL.

    Petra, totally agree with you. And hey, you even have a troll... what blog is complete without one? ;) I admit, I'm a bit more hardass about the cookies, but then again, I haven't quite hit the terrible threes... hold me.

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  27. Petra. I'll tell you what kind of person I am going around leaving my first comment on someone's blog and making it nasty and accusatory.

    The kind of person that thinks you're a SHITTY lover and parent.

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  28. @ Blake: I think it more appropriate for me to answer this question. As a matter of fact Petra is an amazing mother, wife and lover. She has patience beyond her years; Petra could not be a better mother, even when she looses her patience. Home alone in a small apartment with a 3 year old toddler and a 9 year old with ADD, while working cannot be easy, even for you Blake. I think your comment was disrespectful and im sure you will be to chicken to offer any apology which is clearly warranted, considering your comment. i know its difficult for you, but think before you type. Jack ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Petra Husband

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  29. @ Blake: lol.... you gotta be kidding me. Wow you really are a pussy!!!! Not sure why you dont like Petra, cause your comments have no foundation nor do they have any validity. Youre just making shit up, because youre a coward, and know it has become personal. I literally don’t have the time to deal with a shit bag like you. Adhere to these wise words sir Blake, rest your neck!!! or i will do it for you......
    Petra Husband

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  30. Let's not any of us waste any more time or energy on this character. He has decided he knows someone from reading one humorous post meant for entertainment value, and then decided to be a jerk. Case closed. I don't have time for that--I have great friends and a real life to tend to.

    Thanks Blake, for making me appreciate the kind, respectful people in my life even more. And if I pissed in your Wheaties somehow to make you dislike me, you can feel free to never come back to this blog ever again. That's the beauty about life, FREE WILL and the ability to go to whatever sites you wish (or don't wish) to visit.

    Peace.

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  31. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  32. First of all I'm cracking UP at the use of Dementor! Probably because I'm just finishing up Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. he he he.

    My mother was always the badcop and my dad the goodcop ... until we REALLY did something wrong. My dad has this 'look' ... it's not a mad look, it's WORSE, it's the 'disappointed' look, and it made you feel craptastic and half alive. We hated that look growing up.

    Well done guys!

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  33. I can't believe it's taken me so long to come see the HBSB! This is great! In our house the kids get the choice between 'nice mommy' and 'mean mommy'... it's entirely up to them. You should see how quickly they jump to it. I should feel badly about that... but I hate getting grumpy with them. My husband and I definitely trade off though.
    And Petra...I've said it before, but I'll say it again... you are amazing=) xoxo

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  34. Um, hi. It's Thursday. I have no idea what to do with myself. I need to know what each of you think about the same topic. Please don't do this to me. The Office episodes are re-runs, my children are finally behaving. I have no life and desperately need to read new material.

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