Thursday, July 30, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Fix-It Edition

Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female

This week, I e-mailed Captain Dumbass and told him that my brain was fried and I was leaving it up to him to choose this week's topic. Luckily, Supreme Leader stepped up to the plate and made a superb selection.

When good electronics go bad.

In other words, when the gadgets, gizmos and electronic toys in the house break, how do we deal with it? Me? This is how I deal with it:


And then he comes running, plays around with it for a few minutes, fiddles with things and gets frustrated. Meanwhile I get the instruction manual and start suggesting that he take a look at the troubleshooting section as he waves me off, swearing and wielding a screwdriver.

You don't mess with a guy with a screwdriver.

So after a lot more swearing, throwing of various household items and possibly some blood, usually he agrees to try the stuff that I have read about in the manual, which of course, usually works.

You're welcome.

What would men do without us?

In the off chance that the item is broken for good and there is no resuscitating it, then comes the big decision of replacing it. This is where the major challenge comes in. I belong to the camp of "let's go to the store, check out what there is and buy what seems reasonable and suits our needs." He is more of the "painstakingly research every brand and model from every retailer that's out there and after weeks of deliberating and nickle and diming, choose an item that I probably would have chosen in the first place." But you know, we saved $4.99 by waiting until it went on sale, so it was all worth it. Riiiiiiiiight...

I guess I should be grateful that my husband isn't one of those men who gets all glassy eyed and mentally retarded upon entering a Best Buy, and I never have to worry about him surprising me by coming home with an XBox 360 impulse buy or by collecting mp3 players and various other gadgets to the detriment of our savings account. And really, he is rather handy with a screwdriver, so who am I to complain?

But I really think he should just read the manual and save us all the hassle. Just sayin.'

Chad a.k.a "Glassy-eyed Captain Dumbass": the male

Oh, Best Buy... how I love thee. What? So, when electronics go bad? Can't imagine why Supreme Leader would choose that topic when I asked her what we should write about this week. Or how she came up with it so quickly. I am the poster child of patience. Really. Except when things don't work.

I belong to the camp of "shit should just work." Period. I lose it when things start acting up. Like cross-eyed, spitting demon fire lose it. First step when something starts acting wonky? Swear at it profusely. Demean in in every possible way. I don't care if it's an inanimate object, I'm goin to town on it's ass, and it knows it. As long as the kids aren't around. Second step? As fun as smacking it would be, if it's electronics it all depends on it's dollar value and general importance. As much as I would have liked to whack my computer at the beginning of the month when it started working in super slo-mo, we can't afford a new one. And really, it's old. Computer wise, really old so I kinda feel sorry for it. Because of that I chose to aim my fury at my internet provider, 'cause come on, they're always guilty. Oh, and Steve Jobs for charging so damn much for his computers. Yes, Mac's are totally worth it, but come on Apple, your market share would be a lot larger if you could drop your prices a tad.

Where was I? Right. Violence. Camera? I can pretend to throw it when it's not working right, but then I wouldn't have a camera. DVR? If I didn't have to get under the tv to unplug that damn thing I'd be skipping it down the front street like a flat rock on water. Cell phone? Effing contract. Luckily things don't usually get this far. Supreme Leader usually steps in well before this, probably because she doesn't want to listen to me bitch, and fixes whatever's wrong. Whether by reading the manual or taking the time to look something up on the internet or making a phone call. And since we're rolling into our 13th year of marriage she doesn't even bother to talk to me about it, just tells me to get out of the way. Ah, love.

I came home with an Xbox once.

And finally, if you came here from my Bait & Switch post over on my blog:

*try to ignore the girlie shopping bag*

Thursday, July 23, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: For The Love Of Balls...

Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female

No, not that kind of balls.

Balls as in footballs, baseballs, soccer balls, etc. - today we are talking about, you guessed it--SPORTS.

The Captain and I were both kind of surprised that nobody had suggested this topic, nor had either one of us thought of it before now. But since it is often a subject of debate and argument among men and women everywhere, I thought it was something we should "tackle." (Heh, get it? Tackle?)

So I would like to start off by saying I am very passionate about sports.

Hahahaha, that was funny. I almost typed that with a straight face too. No, I am not all that passionate about sports, but I am passionate about this particular person who happens to play sports:
Stupid super models, they take all the good ones...

Funnily enough, even though I am not in love with sports, and 10 years ago I could not have named you ONE pro sports player other than maybe Michael Jordan or Drew Bledsoe, now I pretty much know every player of the Red Sox, The Patriots and The Celtics AND their positions. I can watch any sporting event and know EXACTLY what is going on at every moment, and even throw in witty commentary and well-timed remarks about the players if it happens to be baseball, basketball or football. Yes, people, I have become one of those women, that special sect of wives, girlfriends, and/or significant others that have become known as SPORTS WIDOWS.

When I began dating my husband, it became obvious that I was going to have to make a decision. I could choose to ignore sports and be completely uninvolved in them, thus creating a giant chasm between my (now) husband and I and pretty much consign myself to spending countless evenings on my own while he watched sports OR, I could learn the games, watch them with him, and make it something that we could do together. Being the understanding and flexible woman that I am, I chose Option B. So now I spend many nights watching baseball, basketball and/or football (sometimes more than one in one night, depending on the time of year) and sometimes I even enjoy it.

Notice I say sometimes. Because honestly, there are many times when I am so SICK of watching sports that I end up watching television in the other room or negotiate with my husband so that we can watch something else. I have also taken to reading while he watches the game, which is quite a nice compromise because then we are still spending time together (something we don't get much of lately) and can chat here and there, but we are both doing what we love. It works.

Now if only Tom Brady would be healthy this season, it would be a complete win/win.

Chad a.k.a Captain Dumbass: the male

Sports? I can't believe we haven't done this one yet. Especially after all the 'what do you want to write about? I don't know, what do you want to write about?' emails Petra and I shoot back and forth. Men, women, sports... that's proven recipe for angst.

Luckily for my wife, while I love sports, I don't need to watch it all the time. In fact, while I'll watch the playoffs when my team is still in it, I can happily go the whole season without watching a regular season game. The only sport I used to watch religiously was golf, and that was only when I was playing. Pre-kids. These days, the only must see sports for me are the Olympics. I freakin love the Olympics. I don't even care what I'm watching. Unless it's speed walking. Sorry if you're a fan, I just can't get into that one.

In fact, my wife is really lucky, because I don't follow football, baseball or basketball. Football? Meh. It's boring. Sure, every once in awhile you'll get some running, but most of the time they're barely moving 5-10 yards either way. *Yawn* And what the hell is with their schedule? They play like five games and their season is over. Baseball? I'd like to try watching a real game one day, but on tv? Snore. Basketball is exciting. If it's a close game and you're watching the last 5 minutes of the last quarter. Otherwise all the fouls just make me shake my head. Man it up! This is my problem with all big three sports, they play like little girls, or in the case of football, they hardly play. Now hockey... well that's different. You don't see NHL players taking 6 weeks off because they broke a pinky nail. These guys play with broken bones. They'll take stitches on the bench so they don't miss a shift. Granted, MLB plays more games, but they don't move for most of the game, so it doesn't count.

Um? Ok, not sure what direction I was starting out on with that last paragraph, but I didn't end up where ever I was planning to go. I've been writing and filling in job applications at the same time and I may have gotten off track. Except... heh heh, if I don't find a job soon it will be September and the kids will be back in school and I won't have anything to do around the house except watch sports. Ta-dah! If you're lazy enough you can tie anything together. Or a man. We can make excuses for anything.

Now, did I stir up any angry comments?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Honey, I'm Goin' Out!

Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female

This week, the Captain and I were sure to get all our ducks in a row so there were no more shenanigans like last week, and last night at 11 p.m. had finally chosen a topic. A little late, but better late than never, right? Well, we'll see.

Today we are talking about getting out with the girls/guys. You know, that thing that I used to do before I got married and had kids and all my friends got married and had kids, making it almost impossible to all get a baby sitter for the same night or get our husbands to all agree to stay home with the children.

Or for my husband, it's what he gets to do once every week or two, when he just calls and says "Hey, I'm hanging out with (insert name(s) here). See you later."

Yeah, there seems to be a slight double standard in this particular situation, at least in my household. My husband sees his buddies all the time, whether it is just going for a beer or catching a game at the bar or going fishing. Me, I depend on a play date with some friends and their kids about once or twice a month (and we try not to break out the cocktails on those occasions so they are pretty mild mannered) and maybe once every two to three months, the stars line up just right so that me and two-five of my girlfriends can all break out of the house for an evening. But be aware, that evening is usually spent talking about our children and husbands, is frequently interrupted with phone calls from our children and husbands because they can't find the hot dogs or the little one won't go to bed without saying goodnight to Mommy. Or, in the case of the last time I went out, my daughter called to say she wanted to come out on a date with mommy and her friends and wanted nothing to do with staying home with daddy. I'll tell you, it's not easy sitting in a restaurant on the phone with your daughter who is crying for you to come home. I came *this* close to grabbing my purse and heading home to my poor little baby. But then I realized that she was going to be fine, and I needed a night out.

But you know what time I get home on my "girls nights out?" Yeah, usually around 10 or 11 p.m. Because all us moms are so EXHAUSTED from working and taking care of the kids all day that we have two and a half glasses of pinot grigio and are falling asleep in our drinks. What time does hubby come home from his "guys nights out?" 1 or 2 AM, sometimes 3 and then there was that one time he fell asleep on his buddy's couch and didn't come home at all!!!!!!!!!! (Let's just say that I was very pregnant, very hormonal and VERY pissed that night).

So girls/guys nights out don't seem to be in the same realm for women and men. Or maybe my situation is unique and there are lots of other moms out there who go out all the time with their sistas. But something tells me that I may not be the only one who doesn't get out much.

Am I right ladies?

P.S. I would like to add here that my husband has never stayed out again all night since that one fateful night four years ago, and he is always urging me to go out with my friends, it's just that it's not as easy for moms as it is for dads. But thank you honey, for always trying to get me out of the house!

Chad a.k.a. Captain Dumbass: The Male

Boys night out? Hmm... I've got a hazy recollection of something like that once. Hanging out with males of my own age, not kindergartners and pre-schoolers. Drinking adult drinks and not juice boxes. Talking like men about cars/women/sports/video games/electronics/wives/girlfriends/action films/stuff and not what Scooby snacks really taste like or if Batman... er, bad example.

Sadly, it's been a long time since I've been out with the boys. Or my wife has been out with the girls. Our circle of friends has withered and died. Is this just us or does this happen to other people as well? My closest friends are now bloggers, and while that is definitely not a bad thing in any way, none of those people can drive me home if I've had too much or let me sleep on their couch. Well, maybe sleep on their couch, but that would involve long trips beforehand.

Nowadays our "night out" is usually an afternoon out when one of us takes the boys and gives the other some mental rehabilitation time. It's not perfect, but it works for us. Then again, now that I think about it after having wandered off and read five other blogs while trying to think of something else to write and then noticing what time it is and wondering what my wife has been doing all evening I just realized that blogging has become my "night out." Every night. So, regardless of whether you pee standing up or not, you're now one of my boys. *High five*

Thursday, July 9, 2009

He Blogs/She Blogs: Stolen Cars, Alien Hordes & Quality Time

Chad a.k.a Captain Dumbass, the male

Achoo! Whew, gettin' a little dusty in here, sorry about that. What? Yes, rumours about my death have been greatly exaggerated. Give me an iPod, free wi-fi and a roll of duct tape and I'll kick Richard Dean Anderson's ASS! No, I still don't have a computer, but I didn't want to be accused of copping out again, so here I am. Besides, this weeks topic is close to my heart. Or carpal tunnel enlarged wrists and thumbs. Video games! Time well wasted.

The brilliance of Japanese video game marketing is, in my opinion, only slightly behind early Christian's decision to promote their new religion to woman and slaves first in the Roman Empire and George Lucas producing the last three episodes of Star Wars before the first three. I was 11 years old in 1981 when Nintendo first hit North America and 13 when an Atari console made its way into my home. Hooked. From begging my parents for new games to trying to convince my new bride that an Xbox would help us save money by keeping me at home and finally, to giving in to my own childrens demands for the latest Lego game for the Wii, it's been a long ride. The first hit wasn't free, but I took it anyway, and I'm still using. Brilliance.

Now, not only can I play video games whenever I want and afford to buy them myself, but I can use the kids as an excuse. "But it will make them happy." "It will help with their motor skills." And they beg me to play with them! Sure it's not all fun and games, I learned the hard way that Grand Theft Auto is not the best game to play with your sponge-like young children. Or that no matter how many times you tell them that when Daddy plays Halo it's our little secret they'll still rat you out. Then there's the down times when controllers are taken away for bad behavior (kids) and everyone suffers. You learn your lessons and move on.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go give my youngest some lessons in problem solving, religious studies and early 20th century history. Or Lego Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Heh heh heh.

Petra aka The Wise Young Mommy: The Female

Yes, I know, I am late.

I was up really late last night trying to defeat flood on Halo 3...

Just kidding. I don't even know what that means. I just had another rough night last night with my 3-year-old who has decided to boycott sleeping, so I totally forgot to hunker down and write this post. So yes, again, I suck. Sorry. So video games, yeah...

I had an Atari and I loved Pong. I also got hooked on Mario Bros on the original Nintendo. And now we have a Wii and I use it for the Wii Fit games. But that is about as far as my love for video games goes. I think it's pretty much a big waste of time if it's done in excess, especially for those grown men who spend all their free time in front of the computer screen or XBox, whilst ignoring their families. A hobby is a hobby, and to each their own, but when your fellow players in World of Warcraft see you more than your wife and kids, I think there is a problem.

Unfortunately, my 9-year-old would surgically attach his Nintendo DS to his right hand and the controller for his Playstation to his left hand if it was allowed, and I have to admit that I let him play them too much, but it's just too hard to fight his nature. He is not a sports kind of kid, he is not an outdoorsy type of kid. He loves video games. And although I try my damndest to keep him from doing it all day every day, I am also not going to make him miserable by taking them away and making him do things he doesn't like to do. No, I will not allow him to hole himself up in his room with his video games, but if he disappears for a couple hours, that's OK. And then I will urge him to go outside or we will go find something fun to do for the rest of the day. I think that's a fair compromise, don't you think?

I am lucky because my husband has never been a big gamer, so it has not been an issue between us. He will play the Wii or Playstation with my son here and there and I love that, because they are doing something fun together. I'm not unreasonable.

But, I swear, if my husband ever turns down sex because he is close to levelling up in World of Warcraft, all bets are off.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Technical Difficulties...

This week's He Blogs, She Blogs is being canceled due to technical difficulties. Apparently, Captain Dumbass' computer is on the fritz and rather than have him labor over a post on his ipod, we decided to take a week off and come back fresh next week with something enlightening and hilarious (you know, we like to change things up from time to time).

So come back next week, when we will tackle the age-old video game debate, and whether ruling at World of Warcraft should be considered a resume-worthy special skill or a pathetic obsession.

So hold tight and practice your bitch-slapping skills in Grand Theft Auto while you wait.