Thursday, May 28, 2009

He Blogs/She Blogs: "Can We Make A Quick Trip To The Mall?"

Captain Dumbass: The Male
My partner in crime shot me an email Tuesday with our topic for the week. Actually, it wasn't so much an email as a bunch of gobble-de-gook with the word "shopping" in caps. She's been a little busy of late. I don't know how she manages all of it. I'm happy if I remember to put on pants in the morning.

So, shopping, always a contentious issue between the sexes. Love it or hate it, it's something we all have to do at some point and more often than not, we have to do it with our significant other. Men are always made fun of for our lack of patience when it comes to following their wives or girlfriends around the mall or wherever. Personally, I love shopping. For myself. Add other people to the mix though and things start going sideways fast. Thankfully, with the invention of smart phones, iPods, PSP's, etc. things have gotten a little better. Not like the old days where you'd consider yourself lucky if the change room had a chair for you. They just need to get wi-fi in the store and it would be perfect.

Personally, I'm pretty lucky. My wife isn't a clothes hound and never has been. When we do have to go out it's usually pretty quick and painless. Unless we're shopping for something like wool. My wife likes to knit and she's pretty good at it. Pretty good at starting projects, anyway (hey, Petra, there's an idea for a post!). When it comes time to head off to Micheal's or wherever though... that's when I usually start hoping for an earthquake or the beginning of the zombie plague. The minute we hit the store I'm overwhelmed by fake flowers, glitter and the cloying stench of potpourri. "Which colour do you like?" Which choice will get us out of here faster? Colour has lost all meaning. It's a rainbow kaleidoscope of despair. Its pretty much the same if we're looking at cooking... stuff. Yes, that Stainless 17” Open Oval Roaster is to die for, but it's like a whole mortgage payment. I understand what the end result of this shopping will be, but unless the food is actually in front of me? Meh.

I'm kidding. Honestly, honey. Besides, regardless of what we're shopping for these days, it's always painful unless it involves a trip to Toys R Us, and even then that doesn't guarantee happiness. I love my children, but they have a special way of sucking our will to live every time we need to go buy something. Unless we're at Best Buy standing in front of the big screen TVs. I love my boys.
Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female
Shopping.
Just the word sends shivers down my spine. Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to shop for clothes, shoes, stuff for my kids, and gifts for other people. I HATE food shopping. I love finding just the right outfit or a bra that finally makes my boobs not look like oversized traffic cones. I HATE not having money to buy the things I need. I love shopping by myself. I HATE shopping with my kids or my husband.
It's not that I don't love going on outings with my kids and my husband; they are just not the best shopping companions. With the kids, it's for obvious reasons. All they are interested in is the toy aisle, they tire and bore easily and my quest for jeans that make my butt look half its size turns into a competition in which my kids try to see who can outwhine and outshout each other and I end up spending the time gritting my teeth, giving them the evil eye and trying to restrain myself from yelling at them in public. And as if I don't hate grocery shopping enough, somehow my two children always end up hyper and off the wall as soon as we enter the supermarket and I have to constantly apologize to the shoppers around us for the noise, mayhem and almost carriage collisions. Not my idea of fun.
As for shopping with my husband. it's not so bad. Except that he actually takes longer than I do to pick things out and is much more methodical about his shopping. For me, I go in, I grab a crap load of stuff that I like, go try it on, decide what I like and buy what works for me. For him, it's a much longer, more drawn out process of comparing and contrasting, and being completely thorough in perusing what is available. Yes, you could say this is a much better process of going about making responsible purchases, but I'm on a tight schedule people! I don't have the time or the patience to watch him look at two shirts that look almost exactly alike for 20 minutes to decide which one is better suited for him. Nor do I have a good enough eye to tell whether they are going to fit him, because he refuses to try things on. He would rather buy it, bring it home and try it on there, then take it back if it doesn't fit. This again eats into my very busy schedule of working, yelling at my children, um, I mean taking care of my children and keeping the house in tip top shape. Well, maybe tip top shape is a bit of exaggeration. It's more like I prevent it from falling in on itself. But it takes time to do all these things. So shopping, for me, has to be quick and efficient.
And don't get me started on the glassy eyed, slack jawed look he gets when we go into Home Depot. I may as well clear the whole day ahead of time for those trips.
So basically, I love shopping, under the right conditions. Me, by myself, with no financial constraints and nobody slowing me down. As you may have gathered already, this doesn't happen very often, or well, ever. So I guess my love/hate relationship with shopping isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe someday I will have exorbitant amounts of money, a nanny and a personal assistant to help me make my shopping trips more efficient.
Somehow, I doubt it.

28 comments:

  1. DC - I literally JUST posted it...are you stalking me? Where's the hidden webcam?

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  2. Made ya look.

    Oh and I am a get it and go type of dude. I find what I want, grab it and go. Went shopping with the wife and MIL yesterday. They went one way, I went the other and then we met up in an hour. Between ESPN on my mobile and email and some electronics shopping, house-wares shopping and book shopping I was a-okay.

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  3. You're right Petra, the conditions have to be JUST right in order to enjoy shopping. I actually hate clothes shopping because of the obvious (nothing fits) but I love shopping for my kids. Target can attest to that. And Captain, just pick a color, she won't go with your choice anyway.

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  4. I would probably like shopping if I had a never ending bank account, but I don't. I prefer to shop sitting on my ass, at the computer or at those at home parties.

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  5. oh yeah, I forgot to mention online shopping. I like that, don't even have to get dressed or do my hair!

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  6. I'm all for shopping by myself. Otherwise, it's just pure torture. I hate shopping of any kind, or maybe I just hate going out among the masses (even more now since I work in retail). But if I could shop for whatever I wanted or needed, knowing I had an endless supply of money, in my own time frame with no one bugging me, I might enjoy shopping. I love looking at things I don't need and admiring them. Imagine if I could buy what I wanted! The husband and I don't shop together a lot. He's in, he's out, he gets what he needs. Done!The girls? I'm there to supply the funds, nothing else. They're teens. They know it all. They're a joy (read much sarcasm here).

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  7. I love to shop... I don't even mind grocery shopping as long as I have a list. However, tehe older I've gotten, the less I'm enjoying going with others. I'm with Petra - endless money and no one to bother me would be the ideal shopping outing!

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  8. If they offered web grocery shopping/delivery in my area I'd do it..
    Web shop all the way!

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  9. I'm going to Home Depot today. All by myself. Just me and my iPod and a flat deck. Heaven.

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  10. WOW! I hate shopping! Unless I have money, but Michaels is as bad as it gets! I hate that place so muchs!

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  11. I actually like food shopping, looking for bargains. When Sprite is with me, it's a whole nother story since she likes to create songs in the freezer section, which others don't appreciate. With clothes shopping, John and I have to be together or Sprite will get the best of one of us. As I've written before, she has a penchant for disappearing under the clothes racks.

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  12. The only way the missus can get me to go shopping is if I get chocolate treats. Sadly having a baby made me realise that we ALWAYS need to hit the shops on the weekend when they are a nightmare. I demand more treats in proportion to how busy town is.

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  13. "I love my children, but they have a special way of sucking our will to live every time we need to go buy something." Amen and hallelujah to that. I HATE shopping with my kids. I'd rather be stabbed in the eye with a rusty fork.

    I also hate shopping with my husband. Usually. If we're at Fry's he hates shopping with me.

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  14. Shopping with one kid= easy. Shopping with both kids= OMG JUST SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE MAKE IT QUICK AND PAINLESS I WANT TO DIE NOW. Ok so maybe it isn't that bad, but I would rather go to the dentist than do it.

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  15. Captain: "going sideways fast" and "It's a rainbow kaleidoscope of despair." are genius, just genius!

    Petra: Darling, let's look at the bright and optimistic side of things here. Think of all the money you'll be saving while you WAIT to find that perfect assistant and hit the lotto? See? That's how I do it. I avoid malls, by any means possible, and convince myself I'll have more fun there "soon" when I have so much moolah I can buy anything I want!

    It helps my delusion.

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  16. gigdiaz - excellent advice, thanks for helping me find the bright side!

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  17. I used to love to shop, till I had these things called children and now every trip is about what they need. Gone are the days of hitting Nordstrom and not even bothering with the sales rack!
    These days H&M is my online friend. Online shopping, even with shipping, you can't beat it. Pj's, cup of coffee, music and the computer. Ten minutes tops and in a few days it magically appears at the door.

    Now HD or Best Buy places I'm not interested in but I've lost my Hubby quite a few times in there. I always find him again in front of power tools or tvs. Why is that?

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  18. My wife and I get along great when we shop. In fact, our first date was to a mall. Interestingly all those shows like What Not To Wear help me when she picks out clothes, so there is no real contention when going clothes shopping. We also love to go to hardware stores together just to look around.

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  19. Money, I hate spending money on "stuff" but have no problem spending money on food? so I like food shopping more then "stuff" shopping. Hubbie cna easily get lost in a electronics store, with visions of IASCA Trophies and phrases like "but it needs more Power" at the tool stores.

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  20. I'd rather go clothes shopping all by my lonesome. I usually just order from JC Penney catalog and have it shipped.

    Food shopping? Again, alone. If my teenager is with me, I spend about $30 more than I want to.

    If John is with me, it. takes. FOREVER!! That man walks sooooo slowly! I don't mind the actual shopping. He spends more than i do and if he's willing to pay for the groceries, honey you can get all you want! I do have to play Diabetes police (STEP AWAY FROM THE COOKIES, CHOCOLATE, DONUTS, ETC) sometimes. He gets in his "I don't give a damn and will eat whatever I damn well please moods", but not too often.

    Hardware stores and video stores are fine. We get along great then! (John bought me a new sump pump yesterday. I'm a happy girl)!

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  21. My husband is a try on at home guy too! Ugh. Completely annoying. I'm with you Petra - time, money and being either alone or with one of my sisters who will give me honest opinions.

    Also? I love grocery stores. It's like some weird thing I have. Granted, I love them more when I can shop alone. But something about a grocery store usually just cheers me up. (I know - don't ask!)

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  22. I loathe shopping entirely and I am a grab and go type of shopper. I cannot stand aimlessly walking through malls and/or shops. I like having a list and seeing it through. IDK I must shop, so I do.

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  23. I'm not a fan of shopping, a few times a year I go to a small clothing boutique to get a few new pieces. Usually I'm in and out in 15 minutes. I never try stuff on. Men LOVE shopping with me due to those reasons. More often than not ... they sit in the car listening to the radio. Win effin win!

    blessings!

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  24. I dislike shopping almost entirely. Like you, I like to go in, get what I am after and go. My boyfriend, on the other hand, takes at least ten minutes to pick out which egg noodles to buy! Just imagine what he's like when he needs to pick out a palm sander!

    I think I'll try that wait-in-the-car plan, where I can just listen to music. :)

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