Thursday, July 16, 2009

He Blogs, She Blogs: Honey, I'm Goin' Out!

Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy: The Female

This week, the Captain and I were sure to get all our ducks in a row so there were no more shenanigans like last week, and last night at 11 p.m. had finally chosen a topic. A little late, but better late than never, right? Well, we'll see.

Today we are talking about getting out with the girls/guys. You know, that thing that I used to do before I got married and had kids and all my friends got married and had kids, making it almost impossible to all get a baby sitter for the same night or get our husbands to all agree to stay home with the children.

Or for my husband, it's what he gets to do once every week or two, when he just calls and says "Hey, I'm hanging out with (insert name(s) here). See you later."

Yeah, there seems to be a slight double standard in this particular situation, at least in my household. My husband sees his buddies all the time, whether it is just going for a beer or catching a game at the bar or going fishing. Me, I depend on a play date with some friends and their kids about once or twice a month (and we try not to break out the cocktails on those occasions so they are pretty mild mannered) and maybe once every two to three months, the stars line up just right so that me and two-five of my girlfriends can all break out of the house for an evening. But be aware, that evening is usually spent talking about our children and husbands, is frequently interrupted with phone calls from our children and husbands because they can't find the hot dogs or the little one won't go to bed without saying goodnight to Mommy. Or, in the case of the last time I went out, my daughter called to say she wanted to come out on a date with mommy and her friends and wanted nothing to do with staying home with daddy. I'll tell you, it's not easy sitting in a restaurant on the phone with your daughter who is crying for you to come home. I came *this* close to grabbing my purse and heading home to my poor little baby. But then I realized that she was going to be fine, and I needed a night out.

But you know what time I get home on my "girls nights out?" Yeah, usually around 10 or 11 p.m. Because all us moms are so EXHAUSTED from working and taking care of the kids all day that we have two and a half glasses of pinot grigio and are falling asleep in our drinks. What time does hubby come home from his "guys nights out?" 1 or 2 AM, sometimes 3 and then there was that one time he fell asleep on his buddy's couch and didn't come home at all!!!!!!!!!! (Let's just say that I was very pregnant, very hormonal and VERY pissed that night).

So girls/guys nights out don't seem to be in the same realm for women and men. Or maybe my situation is unique and there are lots of other moms out there who go out all the time with their sistas. But something tells me that I may not be the only one who doesn't get out much.

Am I right ladies?

P.S. I would like to add here that my husband has never stayed out again all night since that one fateful night four years ago, and he is always urging me to go out with my friends, it's just that it's not as easy for moms as it is for dads. But thank you honey, for always trying to get me out of the house!

Chad a.k.a. Captain Dumbass: The Male

Boys night out? Hmm... I've got a hazy recollection of something like that once. Hanging out with males of my own age, not kindergartners and pre-schoolers. Drinking adult drinks and not juice boxes. Talking like men about cars/women/sports/video games/electronics/wives/girlfriends/action films/stuff and not what Scooby snacks really taste like or if Batman... er, bad example.

Sadly, it's been a long time since I've been out with the boys. Or my wife has been out with the girls. Our circle of friends has withered and died. Is this just us or does this happen to other people as well? My closest friends are now bloggers, and while that is definitely not a bad thing in any way, none of those people can drive me home if I've had too much or let me sleep on their couch. Well, maybe sleep on their couch, but that would involve long trips beforehand.

Nowadays our "night out" is usually an afternoon out when one of us takes the boys and gives the other some mental rehabilitation time. It's not perfect, but it works for us. Then again, now that I think about it after having wandered off and read five other blogs while trying to think of something else to write and then noticing what time it is and wondering what my wife has been doing all evening I just realized that blogging has become my "night out." Every night. So, regardless of whether you pee standing up or not, you're now one of my boys. *High five*


  1. My husband and I do not go out much with friends for drinks. We kinda juggle the day hours for who gets to go out to shop or to golf. The first one with the event on the calender wins.

    I sometimes claim to be getting groceries. Then, I go do whatever I want for a few hours. I always come home with at least one bag of food. He has never asked why it took 4 hours for one grocery bag.


  2. When Iw as married I had LOTS of guys nights out! Prob why i am divorced now! lol

  3. Hit 40 -maybe I will have to try that trick some!

    haha Bobby, that is too funny!

  4. girls night out? wow! I have not had one of those since I was 17!!! (I got married at 18 people) and my hubs...well, he really does not have friends ...actually he has none excpet for me. Yeah, my hubs is an intro vert. would rather talk to the dogs than to another needless to say there are no man tiems or woman times. Unless you count me being at work as my "alone" time or him going tot he grocery store/ target as his "alone time. We just attempt to make it so that we get a date night every once in a while.

  5. Petra: I completely understand. My girls night out is this weekend to see Harry Potter without the husband or kid. And next week when I'll be out of town without the husband or kid. Other than that? I wouldn't even know what it was.
    Capn: Dude! Bro! *High five*

  6. Petra - I can totally understand where you're coming from.... but you need to take time to enjoy a girls' night a little more often. If you come to Salt Lake, the girls and I will take you out and we'll have a blast! And next time Hubby calls to say he's going to hang with the boys, tell him No, he has to make advanced arrangements, just like you do!

    Captain - Up high! I'm glad we could take this time together to chill!

  7. I guess I'm pretty lucky here... I seem to get a regular girl's night out about every other week where we actually got out to a bar or restaurant... otherwise my best friend comes over to the house and we have a night in where we do toes and watch movies after we put the kids down. My hubby and I try to get out but I have to admit it doesn't happen as often=(

  8. Yeah, that's a tough one. Kids, work and getting older all play their part...eventually you have to make a effort to *want* to go out.

    My youngest starts grade 1 in September. Me and another mum are now plotting occasional 'days out' where we get to do something fun ( The other way we socialise is to have parties/grills and invite people around. The kids get to play and we get to serve food and see other people. It's not like a 'guy's/girl's night out' but it does make you a) clean up the house b) talk to other people.

    I like the way you both have different perceptions of time away from the house - this is healthy and to be expected. Next time we have a party you can drive up Highway 1 and we'll throw another steak or two onto the grill :)

  9. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out for me and my husband as we are having our first baby in 7 weeks or so. I sure miss girls nights though.. it's just not the same when you are pregnant!

  10. Laura, train your husband early, leave him alone with the baby often so that both he and the baby are used to being together without you. That was one of my biggest mistakes, I never left my kids with my husband when they were little so they got too used to being around me all the time (and he got used to always going out and leaving me home with the kids). It's all about balance and sharing responsibility so that you can both enjoy a social life outside of each other's company!

  11. One of the biggest fights we ever had was over the idea that when Mom watches the kids in the evening, she's the parent, but when dad does it, he's babysitting. I had to make special arrangements with him if I wanted an evening out, he would just call from work and tell me his plans.

    Sometimes, having teenagers is good.

  12. Sadly Captain, you are not alone. That is why we are your blogging buddies and not out with friends we can actually slap on the back and shotgun beers with.

    it's hazy in the rearview.

  13. My wife and I have 4 other families that we connect with on a regular basis. Usually once a month the ladies go out for a night on the town and the dads stay home. The dads have only gone out once - to a movie. But we do run each Sunday with our kiddies - does that count?

    I rarely see my wife during the week (between getting the bean down and getting ready for the next day and stress). Our weekend is the only real chance to connect.

  14. Middle Aged Woman - I HATE it when dads say they are "baby-sitting" Grrrr - you don't baby-sit your own kids! lol

  15. If I hadn't left all my friends in Seattle to move to Timbuktu, I'd have more opportunity to have a girls night know, because I'd have girls to go out with! ;) Hubby, on the other hand, gets to hang with the guys every week for band practice, and when his buddy comes over on Sunday afternoon to do some recording, I get kicked out of the Summer House for several hours. I think the balance is way off there...I need to find some girlfriends to hang out with! ;)

  16. Petra - My husband stayed out after work one night till 3am! I too was VERY pregnant and VERY pissed. When he finally arrived and I flung open the door before he even got his key in it he blurted out "I fell asleep!". "Asleep where?!!!"

    Turns out him and his buddies decided to kill an 18 pack after their soccer game, er I mean "work". (we own an indoor soccer facility so of course he was "working" lol). Long story short one 18 pack led to 3 and he passed out in the car in the parking lot. Uh huh, likely story.

    Sure enough there were beer cans strewn everywhere in the office the next day (the janitor confirmed for me). lol

    All I know is if I did that the last thing I would hear is "pop, pop, pop goes my nine..." ugh, boys

  17. I am actually more the one that gets "out" as opposed to my husband. My particular brand of "out" is usually going over to my sister's house and hanging for a couple of hours drinking wine. But still, it's something. My husband will occasionally go out after work (on night's that he works so I'm home alone anyway). But that is not too often. He's more of a homebody then I am - and that's saying something!

  18. There are some major discrepancies in these accounts... Hilarious nonetheless.

    You also just re-convinced me that marriage and kids can DEFINITELY wait for a while...

  19. I manage to have a girls' night out once in a while. It's easy for me since my kids are grown and I'm divorced but all my friends are married, so I have to wait for them to be available.

    And while I'm not married, I do have a significant other. On Friday nights, he gets together with his buddies and plays Dungeons and Dragons. He'd LOVE for me to join him and also play, but, uh... no. Looks like a boring meeting.

    Friday night is chick flick night with one of my gal friends. Either we watch a movie at home and get pizza or go to dinner and a movie. I like this arrangement. It works for us. I don't have to watch/play D & D and he doesn't have to go to chick flicks with me!

  20. Don't feel CH (cute Hubby) & I only have cat/dog children and still ruminate on what 'life used to be before responsibility'...yea, I know. STFU, not the same...but we now spend nights in and quite honestly, we're happy! Of course I'm writing this after five days of staying up til 2am & partying with new/very new friends in the Loire Valley...can't hang like that often, that's for sure!!

  21. You know while reading through this post, I've realized that many people don't have their respective 'nights out' due to children and home duties. I'd just like to point out that I have no children ... and other than the fact that I'm super duper disorganized ... have very little housework. YET, I rarely go out. Hmmm ... I think it's something that needs rectified immediately. Like tonight! HAH!!

    Excellent take on both sides. Luv yoos guys!


  22. We have no restrictions about who can go out, just as long as we have somebody home to look after the rugrats. However, WonderWife™ is a homebody. So I usually go out.

    What do a bunch of geeky guys do on their night out? We usually play mini golf for money, loser buys the beers afterward.

  23. what are friends? Can't seem to remember.....

  24. My girlfriends and I started bookclub for reasons such as this back when all our kids were toddlers. Husbands were less likely to balk (or call) at bookclub.

    At bookclub we always have potluck and wine. We talk about a lot more than just the book, and sometimes it is to complain about our husbands. But not too much.

  25. It seems like every time I go out, I get annoyed at something, I tend to like "A guys night home"!

  26. When the girls were little, we barely had time to schedule an evening out by ourselves, let alone a night out with the boys or girls. As I let go of the tight leash I had them on and they grew older, I did participate in cousins' and sisters' nights out. (In both cases it's going out with the girls, they just happened to be related.)
    Now, my sisters and I even schedule weekends together since my girls are in their teens.
    You know, there are years there when the girls were both babies that I don't remember, or remember if I saw someone who wasn't related.

  27. He has never asked why it took 4 hours for one grocery bag.

    Work from home India